


Ain't There

by Weevilo707



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Clowns, Fantrolls, I'm just borrowing them, M/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, clown culture, dumb children not understanding things, these are Esahc's fantrolls and they are wonderful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 09:11:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6899914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weevilo707/pseuds/Weevilo707
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You don't know how you never noticed his absence before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ain't There

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Esahc](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esahc/gifts).



You don’t know how you never noticed his absences before.

Okay, maybe you do know how. It ain’t like you’re exactly the most coherent motherfucker in the world when it comes time for a carnival. Between you being half outta your pan on some yerba and maybe a bit of sopor depending on the occasion, and all your brothers and sisters about, you guess it’s possible that the fact that you never saw him there didn’t stick out to you.

Don’t make it any less of a motherfucking tragedy though. You shoulda been keeping better track of one of your most important and closest brothers.

The first time you notice he wasn’t there it was because you were actually looking for the overworked motherfucker. You had noticed the way he seemed hells of twitchy and unhappy the nights leading up to the carnival, and you wanted to sooth a bit of that tension out of him.

You couldn’t find the slippery motherfucker though, and you know there ain’t _that_ many of ya’ll. You asked a sister teasing at your horns if she’d seen where Istmun had gotten his stressed ass off to. She laughed at you, already nearly in a daze herself and said that the poor motherfucker was stuck on guard duty.

When you found that out shit had started to make sense, or they did for a bit. No fucking wonder your poor brother had been stuck in a mood all hells of foul over the last few nights. You’d be whining and moaning over having to miss a carnival for motherfucking _guard duty_ so much the Grand Motherfucking Highblood woulda probably caught wind of it.

You figured you were right when over the next few nights he started going back down to his normal levels of bitching and organizing the rest of you, which probably wasn’t that much but was near unheard of for most clowns. You complain at his complaining, especially when it’s directed at you (which it is a whole motherfucking lot) but you know it’s because of him that your church is one of the few that actually manages to get shit done quick. You can’t help but be a smidgen proud of your brother for that.

You ain’t ever gonna tell him that though. You don’t need to give him any more reason to wanna get on you to work.

The next festival that rolls around is in celebration of flush, and you weren’t looking for him in particular that time. Even still, you’re aware now, and it sticks out when you don’t see him.

You definitely aren’t looking for him when you’re at the pitch carnival. You wouldn’t object to anything, you’re all family after all and you’re cool with any of em. Even with how much he can annoy and bother at you though, you don’t find anything about him particularly hate-able.

Despite that though, he wasn’t at the last two, and he ain’t at this one either, and you motherfucking know ain’t no one here cruel enough to schedule the same brother for guard duty every single carnival.

You manage to wait to say anything until the next pale carnival rolls around. You’re hoping you don’t gotta say anything, and he’ll be here and you can brush off the last couple ones as a cruel fluke of the messiahs.

He ain’t there though, and you’re a little pissed, even though all the yerba you smoked and the couple of slices of pie one of your brothers had shared with you earlier. You ask around, and the answers what you expect. Poor brother’s on guard duty, and they say it like they genuinely mean it. You can’t find anyone who might be thinking it’s funny, and your anger is now all mixed up with confusion. Ain’t no one playing some cruel prank on him, and you can’t see Istmun going down so easy with such a thing anyway.

Right before the main festivities start you manage to slip away without much notice. It pains you to miss a carnival, but you know you wouldn’t be able to slip into the calm ease of bliss you’re supposed to with this nagging at your pan, and you don’t wanna be a motherfucking blight to everyone’s good mood.

You actually find him on guard duty. You ain’t sure why you thought you wouldn’t, but he’s there, sitting by the overlook and not noticing you yet. You try and see if you can sneak up on him, but you must be more out of it than you thought cause he notices you before you’re even close.

“Kalton?” he asks, sounding all confused and worried and that ain’t good at all. You wanna pap that little frown right off his face, and you’re pretty damn sure you’re still pretty damn out of it. It ain’t an issue though, you still got more than enough of a mind about you to know what it is you’re doing here.

“Fuck, what gave me away? Was it my good looks? Tell me it was my good looks,” you say, walking over to lean against the overhang. He seems to have figured out that you’re not here because something managed to go horribly wrong, and the worry drips away into annoyance. Still not what you’re looking for, but closer.

“No,” he says, and he isn’t moved when you pout at him, the heartless motherfucker. “Why aren’t you at the carnival?” he asks, and yeah you should probably be getting to the point already.

“Cause you ain’t,” you tell him. He looks all surprised at that, and motherfucker’s cute as sin. It’s near blasphemy that you don’t get yourself being all nice at him more often, especially with how much he’s there for you. That’s what you’re being here to fix though, even if you aren’t the one who’ll be getting your niceness on at him.

“Brother I haven’t seen you at a single one of the past four carnivals at the _least,”_ you explain, and his expression settles to something more neutral under his paint. You reach over to pull him out of his chair. “Get you to the family brother, I’ll take over for the guard shit,” you tell him. You get him out of his chair, but he don’t move to leave.

“Kalton it’s fine,” he insists, sounding a shade nervous. “I’ll be at the next one, get back to everyone,” he adds, and you frown at him. The temptation to take him up on his offer doesn’t even cross your mind, you already settled that you’re doing this for him, you’re not leaving cause he don’t want you missing out.

“Brother, go _relax,”_ you command him, giving him a push towards the door. He stumbles forward a couple steps before stopping himself, and you think for a moment he’s gonna thank you and get himself going, but then he turns around and sits himself right back down in his chair. 

“I’m fine,” he insists at you, and it’s clear as fuck that he ain’t fine in the slightest. There’s that twitchy nervousness about him, and his whole of everything is pulled up on guard. You don’t know what you stumbled on, but you don’t like it if it’s got him all hunched up and isolated like he is. 

“No you ain’t,” you tell him, wishing that maybe you hadn’t eaten those slices of pie earlier, or had so much yerba, or at the very least that there was another chair so you could sit down with him. “Brother, what’s got you all out of sorts?” you ask, hoping he’ll talk at you about this.

You ain’t the best at talking, but you’re willing to try it for an important miracle of a brother who’s clearly got a need.

“Nothing’s out of sorts,” he tells you, and you hope the expression on your face portrays just how little you believe that. You imagine it does when he shoots a glare at you. “Ain’t nothing out of sort before you came here bothering at me at least,” he grumbles, and you feel your shoulders droop some.

“Aw, come on brother, all I’m asking is for you to let some family take care at you instead of the other way around for a change. I don’t know where the problem is,” you tell him, speaking honestly and wishing you knew what you’re doing wrong here. You know it’s something, cause Istmun is all irritated at you, and you don’t like it.

His annoyance at you seems to soften some at that though, and you’re relieved because you don’t fucking like him being unhappy with you. You don’t mind when it’s cause you’re slacking off on wriggler wrangling duty or just generally being an ass like you are, but you can tell that this is important. You feel weird standing over him, so you let yourself sit down on the ground. He gives you a little look for that but doesn’t comment on it any, just sighing after a moment.

“I swear there really isn’t no problem though,” he says, and you’re still frowning at him but you also don’t say a thing, waiting and hoping for him to continue. He stays quiet for a moment, and when he does speak he says it without looking at you. “Just don’t care for carnivals much.”

Your frown deepens at that, because that just doesn’t sound right. You know heathen trolls aren’t particularly fond of the way you all do things quadrant wise, but you know Istmun. He’s as faithful of a clown as they come, so you don’t know where the problem is.

“How come?” you ask, figuring there ain’t no problem with asking. The only reason you can think he wouldn’t wanna go is because someone makes him feel not wanted, and that idea pisses you off so much that if it turns out to be true you’d probably go right into holy rage.

“Just don’t,” he mumbles, looking at you all uncomfortable. You really wanna pap him, but now is for talking.

“Somebody making you not wanna be there?” you ask, cause you need confirmation on this before you can focus on anything else. You’re thankful for the absolutely bewildered look he gives you, seeming thrown off by your question to the point that you’re pretty damn sure it’s not a thing that happened.

“Nah brother, that ain’t even close to being a thing,” he says. Now you’re relieved but confused again.

“Then what’s the problem?”

“It’s not a problem!” he snaps at you, and fuck, you _really_ shouldn’t have done this when high out of your pan. He seems to realize your regret though because his face softens again. “Listen Kalton, this ain’t a thing you gotta get your worry on about, just head back to the carnival,” he tells you gently.

You actually consider it for a moment. You ain’t in any shape to be having a serious conversation, and you don’t wanna go making him mad again. He doesn’t want to be at the carnival, that’s good enough for you for now. You’re sure if you left now there’d still be plenty of time to get nice and chill with the rest of your brothers and sisters.

“Nah,” you tell him simply, leaning back against the ledge a bit.

“Motherfucker I said I didn’t-” he starts, but you wave a hand at him to cut him off before he can start going off at you.

“I heard what you said brother, you ain’t gotta go nowhere you don’t want,” you tell him, and he relaxes some.

“Then why not?” he asks you now, and you shrug all easy at him.

“Cause I wanna get my hang on with you,” you tell him, “and you ain’t there.” It’s really simple in your opinion. You’ve been wanting to spend a carnival with Istmun, and if he don’t wanna be at one then you’re fine with just chilling with him.

He looks all confused for a moment, and then embarrassed and you can see his ears going all purple and it’s fucking adorable.

“Oh, alright then,” he says, and it’s a motherfucking miracle how precious he is. When you sober up you’re gonna have to ask him to explain shit nice and clear for you, because you’re not the brightest fucker around, and you want to understand where he’s coming from.

Until then though, you just shift so that you’re leaning against his chair and got your head resting on his leg, and he starts absently scratching at your scalp as he puts his attention back on guard duty. It’s nowhere near the pansmashing bliss you would get from the carnival, but it’s still nice. Really motherfucking nice.

**Author's Note:**

> aaaaaaaaaa i hope i didn't butcher their characterization too much!! I wanted to do something nice and cute for friend having Bad Day. I really hope you like this!!!!


End file.
